Searching for Zelda
by kazokuhouou
Summary: What happens when each SSBM character has to look for Zelda?


Searching for Zelda

By Houou Kazoku-Kaga

Disclaimer: I do not own SSBM or Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

Dr. Mario

Dr. Mario was about to go up Death Mountain when he saw a sick kid. So he healed her. The kid took Dr. Mario to her house and sick family. He healed them. Then he healed the next door neighbors. Then all of Kakariko Village got cucco pox. So Dr. Mario became the town doctor and forgot about Zelda.

Falco

"Stupid Fox, making me go out in the Landmaster while he goes to some conference," Falco mumbled, while the Landmaster plodded through Hyrule Field. It went across the moat and into Hyrule Market.

"Outta my way, stupid Redeads!" Falco shot Redead after Redead while plodding through the market. The Landmaster parked at Ganon's Castle.

He charged and fired at the castle. It crumbled and fell in the lava.

Zelda popped out, screaming and holding her butt Mario-style. Her dress was smouldered.

"Oops?"

Mario

It was a noisy day in Hyrule Market, as usual. The market was bustling with life.

"Ow!"

"Ow!"

"Ow!"

A red blur began hopping off people's heads.

"Ow!"

"Ow!"

"Ow!"

"Ow!"

The blur landed on the ground. It was Mario.

"The Mad Hopper!"

"Get him!"

The townspeople procured pitchforks and began chasing Mario, killing him and any chance of him finding Zelda.

Fox

"There she is!" Fox said when he spotted Zelda on the ground riding a horse. He piloted his Arwing down so that it flew alongside Zelda.

"Hey, Zelda, I found you!"

Zelda nudged the horse and he shot forward.

"Wha? Why you little!"

Fox sat back in the cockpit and gunned the Arwing. He pressed a switch that allowed him to pick up stuff.

A crane shot from the sky and grabbed Zelda.

"Meanie!"

"Well, I caught you and you know what that means. You have to ask Mewtwo on a date!"

Pichu

Pichu heard that Zelda was hiding in the Lost Woods from the Hylian paparazzi. So he walked through Kokiri Forest.

"Oh, how cuuuuuute!" A little Kokiri girl shrieked and pointed at Pichu. Kokiri girls surrounded him and started petting and cooing him.

"Pi…CHUUUUU!" Pichu shocked the girls, but they were not fazed by the thunder. Pichu kept trying to shock them until he fainted from the damage to himself.

One of the girls grabbed him and put a collar on him.

"You're coming home with me!"

And so Pichu was stuck being a Kokiri's pet and he never found Zelda.

Luigi

Luigi charged up and shot himself across the lava…

…and fell in.

"Owowowowowowowowow!"

He beat the fire off his butt, charges, and shot himself…

…back into the lava.

"Owowowowowowowowow!"

He beat the fire off his butt again.

The camera shifts to a nearby Redead.

"He's been at it for 3 hours now. When will he ever learn?"

"Owowowowowowowowow!"

The Redead sweatdrops.

The Ice Climbers

"Okay, the ransom note says that Zelda is at the apex of Death Mountain," Popo began.

"Right," his sister Nana affirmed.

"So let's see… rope?"

"Check."

"Explosives?"

"Check."

"Hammers, provisions, grappling hooks?"

"Check, check, check."

"Warm clothes?"

Nana pulled her hood up. "Check."

"Let's go!" Popo and Nana turned to climb Death Mountain.

"WHAT? NO SNOW! THAT'S IT WE QUIT!"

Nana and Popo threw their stuff on the ground and walked off.

"Um…"

Pikachu

Pikachu woke up from the nap he was taking. Stretching his bones, he looked out on his temporary home at Lake Hylia. Zelda was supposed to meet the Zoras to help search for Ash in the Ice Cavern, and Pikachu was going to help.

Pikachu ran across the bridge to the grave marker.

An owl was perched on the slab. "Are you looking to get to Zora's Domain?"

Pikachu nodded.

"I can get you there in a fast amount of time. Grab my talons."

Well, he wasn't about to object to a free ride. Pikachu grabbed the owl's talons and hung on.

It did not take long to get to Zora's Domain. Or, rather, the nearby Zora's Fountain.

The owl didn't set Pikachu down near the entrance.

He rather unceremoniously dropped Pikachu into the deep water.

Pikachu was pissed.

"Pi…ka…CHU!!!"

Pikachu shocked the owl out of the sky. However, he forgot that a) he was in a lake, and b) water conducts electricity.

He shocked everything in the lake, including JabuJabu, the Zoras, and Zelda in a bikini.

Pikachu stared for a bit, then went to hide in the fairy fountain.

Peach

"Oh! What a beautiful day! Now what am I supposed to do today?"

She sees a letter and reads it.

"Oh! I'm supposed to meet Zelda today!"

She jumped high and started floating. Soon, she found Zelda at Gerudo Valley.

"Oh! There she is!"

Peach pulled out her umbrella and began floating down to Zelda.

"Oh! Hello Zelda!"

She floated right past the ledge and into the river.

"Oh! Am I in the river?"

Zelda gets a vein on her head.

"It's idiots like her that give princesses bad names."

Kirby

_Okay, bricking myself near a lake wasn't bright,_ Kirby thought as he sank. He desolidified himself and began swimming. Trouble is, he's not a great swimmer.

He was starting to feel light headed when he saw a small flash of fin. Assuming it to be a fish, Kirby swallowed it.

00—00—00—00—00

Link and Zelda were being all lovey-dovey and mushy. Something has to ruin that.

Kirby surfaced.

"Ah, air! Hey guys!"

Link and Zelda looked.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

They ran like the Bunny Hood man.

"What? What did I say?" asked Kirby, who definitely looked like Princess Ruto.

Jigglypuff

Searching for Zelda was pretty uneventful for Jigglypuff so let's get to what happened right after that.

Jigglypuff was so happy to find Zelda that…

She started singing.

As she sang, Zelda fell asleep.

When Jigglypuff stopped singing, and saw that Zelda was asleep, she got mad and pulled out her marker.

696969696969696969696969

"EEEEEEEE!!!!!" Zelda screeched when she saw that Jigglypuff had drawn and written obscene things on her face.

Samus

We at SSBM are sorry, but the tape showing Samus searching for Zelda had been recorded over with Iron Chef. We're sorry for the inconvience.

Mewtwo

Mewtwo stood in the middle of Hyrule Field. His eyes glowed for a second.

After a few minutes, a half dressed Zelda walked to Mewtwo, obviously hypnotized. Mewtwo caressed her cheek and teleported them away.

………

Waitaminute, MEWTWO! SHE'S TAKEN ALREADY!

Yoshi

Yoshi had followed Link up the stairs where Gannondorf was holding Zelda hostage. There she was, in the pink crystal.

"Don't worry Zelda," Yoshi said. "I'll save you!"

He jumped, and kicked his feet to go higher.

And knocked his head on the ceiling.

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Gannondorf and Link bust out laughing.

Ness

Zelda was sitting in between the two scarecrows, watching the lake, when Ness ran up and started beating the shit out of the scarecrows.

"This…is what…you get for…kidnapping…Zelda!" he said between baseball bat whacks until the scarecrows were nothing more than straw.

"Um," Zelda said. "They didn't kidnap me."

Ness paled.

"Oops?"

Mr. Game and Watch

The rumor was that Zelda was in Ganon's Castle. Mr. Game and Watch headed there. He first saw an Iron Knuckle.

"There you are," it said. "We've been waiting for you!"

Game and Watch got a question mark over his head.

"How are we supposed to start a meeting of Ganon's Drag Queen Angels without you?"

The Iron Knuckle grabbed his hand and dragged him off.

"Wait, you've got the wrong person! I'm a good guy! MOMMY!"

Of course, all it heard was 'beep beep boop! Boop beep boop! BEEP!"

Captain Falcon

"Captain Falcon's Speedy Delivery, how may I help you?" said the guy at the counter. He began jotting down on a piece of paper. "One large mushroom and pepper pizza, deliver to Miss Princess Zelda at Hyrule Castle. That will be 75 rupees and it will be there soon."

He hung up the phone and the pizza was made.

"Hey, boss! This one's to royalty! Ya wanna deliver this one?"

"All ready to go," Captain Falcon said as he adjusted his helmet. They handed him the pizza and he got into his racer.

In no time he got to the castle steps and knocked.

Zelda opened the door, looked out, and promptly fainted.

Captain Falcon looked behind him to see all of Hyrule in flames because he went so fast.

Zelda

Zelda pokes herself in the head.

"Found me."

Shiek

"Well, if I transform into Zelda, then Zelda would be found, but then it wouldn't be Shiek who found Zelda, it would be Zelda who found Zelda. Oh, what do I do?"

Marth, Link, and Roy

"Aha!"

"Found you!"

Link and Marth stood facing each other, with Zelda between them.

"And what are YOU doing here?" Link said.

"Me? What about you?"

"I'm saving Zelda. I ALWAYS save Zelda. It's in the contract."

"Well, that sucks. I want to save Zelda too."

"Tough. I'm more popular, and besides, Zelda loves me."

"Then why is she dating Roy?"

Link pushed Marth against the wall, the Master Sword against Marth's throat. "Take that back!"

Marth shoved Link off and pulled Falchion out. "Make me!"

And they started to duke it out

"What's with them?" Roy asked as he sidled up to Zelda.

"Beats me," she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Ready to go?"

Gannondorf

Alarm clock goes off, Gannondorf smashed it, throws it against wall, gets out of bed.

Showers, changes to armor, brushes teeth, styles hair.

Leaves room, walks down hall, enters organ room.

Looks up. Sees Zelda in crystal.

Anticlimactic, wasn't it?

Young Link

_Hyrule Castle needs better guards,_ a younger Link (who will be called Link) hought as he snuck past them. This was the sixth time he snuck past them to go see Zelda, usually to show off a new mask or tell where he is on his quest.

He snuck past the last two guards and entered the courtyard.

Zelda wasn't there.

Under the window was scrawled, 'Eat at Joe's'.

"DAMNIT ZELDA!!!"

"Hey, you!"


End file.
